I love you, but I'm scared of having you.

I want to walk towards you,
And just love you.
But that's impossible because
Sins of the past have left
More scars then they healed.

So even though I love you
I can't be with you,
And even though your love is my drug
I have to stop this addiction before it starts.

And now my tears
Have turned to ink, and the
Tears that fall down on
Paper form these words,

I love you, but I'm scared of having you.

"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering."
-- Paulo Coelho

time to repent...

Ilahi teri chokhat per bhikari ban ker aya hoon,
Sarapa faqr hoon, ijz-o-nadamat saath laya hoon,
Bhikari woh ke jis ke paas jholi hai na payala hai,
Bhikari woh jisey hiras-o-hawas nay maar dala hai,
Mata-e-deen-o-danish, nafs ke hathon se lutwa ker.
Sakoon-e-qalb ki daulat hawas ki bhent charha ker,
Lutta ker sari poonji ghaflat-o-issyan ki daldal mein,
Sahara lene aya hoon tere kaabay ke aanchal mein,
Gunahon ki lipatt sey, kaynat-e-qalb afsurda,
Iraaday muzmehehal, himmat shikasta hoslay murda,
Kahan say laoon takat dil ki sachi tarjumani ki,
Ke kis jhanjhal mein guzri hein ghariyan zindagani ki.
Khulasa yeh ke bus jull bhun ker apni roo-sayahi sey,
Sarapa faqr ban ker apni haalat ki tabahi sey,
Tere darbar mein laya hoon apni ab zaboon-haali,
Teri chokhat ke laeq har amal se hath hein khali,
Yeh Tera ghar hai ye Tere mehr ka darbar hai Maula
Sarapa noor hai, ik mohbat-e-anwaar hai Mola.
Teri chokhat ke jo adab hein, main unn se khali hoon,
Nahi jis ko saleeqa manganey ka, woh sawali hoon
Zuban ghalt-e-nadamat dil ki na’kas tarjumani per,
Khudaya reham meri iss zaban-e-ijz-zabani per,
Ye ankhein khushk hein, Ya Rabb inhein rona nahi aata,
Sulagtay daagh hein dil mein jinhein dhona nahi aata.
Ilahi teri chokhat per bhikari ban kay aaya hoon,
Sarapa faqr hoon, ijz-o-nadamat saath laya hoon,
Sarapa faqr hoon, ijz-o-nadamat saath laya hoon.